I apologise for the following freak out but, y'know, I'm freaking out.
I'm scared, guys. Dreadfully so. I've got five days of school left (20th-24th April) and then I'm done for good. No more school for six hours a day. No more sitting in a class full of pupils I know and have spent six years with (some even more so). No more being spoon-fed by teachers and sitting through subjects that are compulsory. No more of everything I've only ever known.
I'm growing up. And I'm so scared.
I'm scared about starting university, about how different it will be. I'm scared about the fact I will now have to think seriously about jobs and money. I'm scared that my friends won't be there to fall back on if I have a particularly hard class.
I feel like I'm losing touch with childhood, and I'm just not ready. Not yet. When I was little, I couldn't wait for this moment. But now that it's here, I want to be that child again. I want to go back to being that carefree little girl. The one who never stopped climbing trees and scraping shins and reading and reading and reading.
I feel like I've not enough time in the world to read or get my head around what's happening. Everything's moving forward so fast. My blog's suffering because of revision, of freaking out over the future and I hate it. I want all the time in the world back to blog and read and read and blog. I miss having no worries.
I want everything to stop for just a moment. Just a moment. So I can breathe. So I can come to terms with what's happening. So I can get excited for the future.
But I can't, and I'm scared.
Until next time.